City Living
I haven’t always liked cities. I was raised in the suburbs of Southern California and although life wasn’t perfect, it was quite good. So good, in fact, that my dream was to grow up, get married, have two children, and buy a house (with a porch so I could easily interact with my neighbors) — all in the suburbs of Southern California. As I’m sure you know, we can make plans, but we’re not always in control of the outcomes. As of this writing, exactly one part of that original dream has come true: I’ve grown up. I’m zero for four on the rest. I’m single, childless, rent an apartment (in a building with no communal outdoor space), and live in New York City. And you know what? Not only do I have a great life, but I’ve found that I love living in an urban area.
I’ve lived in three fabulous cities over the last 30 years: San Francisco, Paris, and New York. Each one is unique. San Francisco has a bay curved around its hilly terrain, colorful Victorian houses, the Golden Gate Bridge, and scenic running paths. Paris has great cafes and restaurants, marchés where you can buy the freshest fruits and vegetables you’ve ever tasted, lovely public gardens, and the Eiffel Tower. New York City has incredible diversity, Central Park, ignites your senses when you walk around, and shows a different side of its personality depending on the season.
But these cities do share some similarities that aren’t so great. Each one is expensive, the traffic and noise can be abrasive, and the crowds of people can at times be exasperating. Often cities can be chaotic, isolating, and just plain hard. During these times, the challenges of city living can seem overwhelming and you might want to throw up your hands and give up. You don’t know how you can survive, let alone thrive. But before you call the movers, here are a few things to try.
Don’t go it alone. It is not good for people to be alone, so jump in and build community. Many city dwellers are hesitant to invest in relationships because they fear that the person or people invested in will move. You don’t know what the future holds, so don’t let your fear hold you back from the beauty of getting to know and be known by others. In each city where I lived, I found community through church and Bible studies. I also joined running clubs, participated in book clubs, took cooking classes, and volunteered. I know many things are on hold or virtual due to COVID, but there are still plenty of opportunities to join a group and build community. Questions to consider when thinking about a group to join: What brings you joy? What have you always wanted to learn to do but for whatever reason never got around to it?
Find ways to give. Cities offer so much, but what can you do to give to and enhance the city where you live? I mentioned volunteering as a good way to meet people, but it’s also a wonderful way to give back. There are a plethora of organizations in major cities that could use extra help, especially during this challenging season. Questions to consider when deciding how to volunteer: What breaks your heart when you walk or drive around your city? How can you support an organization or institution that is making budget and staffing cuts?
Learn from the difficult times. I can’t tell you how often I’ve heard people say, “I have a love/hate relationship with the city.” Admittedly, living in a city can be challenging for myriad reasons, but don’t let the challenging times keep you down. No experience is wasted, so focus on how the challenge you’re facing can help you grow. Questions to consider if you’re going through a difficult time: What about your current situation is proving the most difficult for you? What positive characteristic(s) have you discovered about yourself during this time?
When you get overwhelmed, feel stuck, or are losing your way living in a city, consider these three points and stay hopeful. The best is yet to come.
